Who Needs Resolutions When You Have God-Sized Dreams?
My father is a man who speaks only in one-line quips. Or long-winded monologues about responsibility and commitment, but those are reserved specifically for his children (even now that we’re adults). There’s really no in between. The rest of him remains a fragmented jigsaw, his crucial pieces buried beneath layers of epidermis and introversion. Even to me, his own daughter, he’s a mystery. But I am one of his pieces, a flake that fell from the box nearly 25 years ago.
And I like to solve puzzles.
“Dad, what did you want to be when you were a little kid?” I asked. “Did you always dream of selling roofing products?” I knew he played baseball–even in college–so I half-expected him to say he dreamed of becoming a professional athlete. After all, a lefty on the mound is pretty valuable.
“I wanted to be a drummer,” he admitted in his low-volume even-keel voice. I studied his thinning brown hair and noticed how age had stolen it from his crown. And, as he smiled at his lost hopes, I saw the small gap between his front tooth and its neighbor.
My dad, a professional drummer? I inquired to myself, perplexed. When I went searching beneath the couch and between its cushions, I never expected to discover that piece and place it in his puzzle. But there it was, adding another dimension to the full picture.
A perfect fit.
I finally appreciated our jam sessions to 70s rock bands. I understood when he blasted the volume and played air guitar during instrumental solos instead of shouting like a crazy person during the chorus the way I liked to do. And, despite his best attempt to hide his passion, I loved the way his fingertips tapped the steering wheel to the beat of the drums.
The next time I visited home, I brought my Wii Rock Band along with me.
“You want the drums, dad?” I asked, handing him the sticks.
“Sure,” he replied calmly, his excitement silently leaking through the smirk on his face.
My dad is not a video game guy. In fact, that might have been the only video game I’ve ever seen him play. But in that moment, pulsing to the beat of his favorite rock bands, I’ve never seen him so much in his element.
I imagined him banging away at those plastic drums while David Bowie pressed his lips to the mike. Above them a jumbotron hung from the ceiling as it flashed images of fans’ favorite musicians. Streams of fire would blaze upwards from the floor, as though a live dragon was held captive beneath the stage.
So, at least for a few minutes he got to live his dream of being a rock band drummer. And I think–at least, I hope–he loved every moment of it.
I believe we each have something tugging at our hearts–a dream that may not even seem possible. An ambition that would take courage, struggle, and a bit of madness to obtain. A purpose God has weaved into the very fabric of our being. Holley Gerth calls these things “God-sized dreams” and encourages all of us to examine what ours may be. She nudges us to faithfully explore–and then chase–whatever God-sized dream lures and warms your heart.
For me, my dream has always been writing. I was the kid who came home from high school and spent her nights in her brother’s bedroom with a box of Oreos and his PC. (Nobody else did that??) At the time, I wrote murder mysteries. And, looking back at those “books”, I pray to God that my writing has gotten and will continue to get better. Now, I examine my life and realize I have already taken steps to get closer to my dream. After all, I am officially a professional writer. And though I love where I am, I feel there can be more. My God-sized dream is to become a faith writer. Preferably a novelist. A scribe of fiction that illustrates God’s love. This is the path down which I hear God calling my name, inviting me to follow Him. The dirt road is surrounded by troves of trees, some which allow the light to shine through and others which hide it completely. I’m sure there will be snakes in there somewhere trying to send me running and screaming in the other direction (because let’s face it, that’s what usually happens when I see a serpent). Yet, there it is–God’s voice from somewhere deep within the willow. It sounds dauntingly distant, but closer than it used to be. At least now I can hear my name clearly.
The idea of spending my days lost in thought thrills me, especially if those thoughts draw me closer to God. The responsibility of putting those thoughts into beautiful words that will captivate others with His message, however, is absolutely petrifying. But here I am, chasing this God-sized dream with a bit of madness and all the courage I can muster.
As C.S. Lewis once said, “When we want to be something other than the thing God wants us to be, we must be wanting what, in fact, will not make us happy.” God knows us completely and thoroughly. And although this year may be new, God remains constant forever. His hope for joy in our lives remains constant, too, and He has placed God-sized dreams on our hearts for that reason. So who needs resolutions when you’ve got God-sized dreams?
Feel free to share your God-sized dream in the comments section below so we can form a community of support for each other in our pursuits!