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Today Is More Important Than You Might Think

I look around the room at the messiness of my life. An overflowing hamper, a floor completely littered with toys, an unmade bed, and a jumbled mess of unfinished manuscript stare me in the face. Not to mention, the room reeks of my daughter’s most recent diaper deposit. It’s almost like they’re all taunting me. […]

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Is “Innocent” a Four-Letter Word?

We’ve heard them before, those nasty little four-letter words.  We heard them in Eminem’s live performance at a recent family-friendly event.  We hear them on radio stations, in sitcoms and movies.  But as the list of encounters grows longer, sometimes so do the words.  I myself have been condescendingly called some pretty harsh things in […]

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Your Mom Time Traveled

Scientists who have long toiled over the possibility of time travel can search no further.  This seemingly futuristic phenomenon has not only been possible, but has been put into practice, since the beginning of time.  In fact, since the moment Cain and Abel entered the world, Eve became the first person to time travel.  While […]

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Babies of Mass Destruction

Trick question.  Babies don’t have fingernails.  They have talons.  And yes, they grow inside the womb.  So when these precious, innocent creatures greet the world, they are ready to fight.  These seemingly angelic beings begin to assemble their weapons as early as 11 weeks in utero.  By week 12, the fingernail buds start growing into […]

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Derek Zoolander Thinks I’m Beautiful

I’ve never met Derek Zoolander, but he thinks I’m beautiful.  I’ve never met him because I don’t roll with male models.  Also because he’s a fictional character.  But that’s beside the point.  He still told me I was beautiful.  He said, “Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.”  And, […]

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